Here I lay, strewn across my boyfriend’s bed, with my third concussion in the last 2 years. Yes, third. Yes, I have a boyfriend. No I am not naked (currently).

My first one (concussion) was in April 2022 - dance related and… worth it? I have a video of it, actually. Never posted it cuz it is SPICY. My second was after being rear-ended in March 2023 (not confirmed, but how would I not have one?). Now, my third this Monday. I stumbled a few feet and hit the top of my head on a metal floor lamp. Not hard at ALL, and yet here I am with all the concussion symptoms I’ve come to know very well. Headache (duh), sensitivity to light, neck stiffness, pressure behind the eyes, trouble focusing, etc, etc.

*Friend’s mom is a neurologist. This text made my head stop spinning. :)*

What’s super fun is that I’ve spent the last few months rehearsing with Westlake Dance Center to perform in their annual “Sign of the Times” dance showcase… which I now have to pull out of. Did I have to? No, I definitely could have performed… but that would’ve been DUMB. One more bonk and I am OUT for good, y’all.

Why the hell am I writing about this to the world wide web? I suppose I wanted to share some learnings to any and all up-and-coming dancers with unlikely dance-origin-stories (ie adult beginners-gone-”professional”). If you feel injured… believe it. Go to the doctor. Take your rest. A few very good friends and teachers reminded me that ONE performance does not make or break your career, but not taking one week of rest might. Be SMART with your body, and be gentle. Stepping out of something you committed to feels like ASS, and NOT in the fun, sexy way. I feel so much SHAME and EMBARRASSMENT telling everyone why I’m not there, how I hit my head, blah blah blah. My spot had to be restaged, and someone had to learn a WHOLE new track. Ugh. The FOMO. All the bad feels.

SO, I’m resting. So I can dance this year, next year, and for MANY years after. I’m eating LOTS of fatty and protein-y foods. I’m taking my iron supplements. I’m SLEEPING. I AM going to the gym and doing all of my neck PT. I’m hydrating the house down. I’m doing all I can from what I know and have been told to give my body a damn chance. Maybe most importantly I’ve been audiobooking “The Concussion Rescue,” which feels unfortunately relevant for my life at the moment.

Some observations on my life from my bonked state:

I only rest when I’m sick or injured
My days when not bonked or injured are PACKED 7 days a week and include a lot of driving around
I’m doing a lot of things previous to my bonk because I think I should be, not necessarily because I know I want to

I’ll definitely want to unpack these all in depth at some point, but tonight is not the night. I’ve reached my digital blue light bonk limit for the moment and need a little brain break.

Bonk boy, out!

xoxo,

RJ

Guess Who’s Bonk, Bonk Again?

Gentle Chaos. (Science, Dance, & My Lived Experience)

On The Weight of Adulting